The UnOfficial Hogwarts School Journal
by P.L.S
Summary: Lillian Dursley is a typical wizard's kid, who happens to take after her father a hippogriffsun bull breeder and the ManWhoKilledVoldemort. Her best friends are the technogeeky Weasley Triplets, Professor Hagrid, and her hippocampi.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Unofficial Hogwarts Student Journal

Author:P.L.S.

Rating: Eh, I'm saying Mild to Medium Store Brand Salsa

Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas and well everything taken from the Harry Potter Books and Movies.

Summery: Lillian Dursley is a typical wizard's kid, who happens to take after her father (a hippogriff-sun bull breeder and the Man-Who-Killed-Voldemort.) Her best friends are the techno-geeky Weasley Triplets, Professor Hagrid, and her hippocampi. This is her and her friends' version of their story. Of course, if you talk to Deputy Headmaster Snape he'll tell you a whole different story which actually seems to be the truth.

(Chapter One-Setting the Scene)

Lilian Dursley, a rather small eleven year old with her mother's  
straight and thin hair and her father's green eyes, sat waiting for  
the Hogwarts Express to take off. Her mom had got her settled in, and  
then left. Which was what Lil had insisted on, because one of her  
mom's thestrals was in labor and her father just didn't have the  
talent with the carniverous horses. He was a great hippogriff handler  
and as it was his mares were all close to birthing too.

Her owl, Brunhilda, was the offspring of her father's very faithful  
familiar and she knew one of her future teachers already. Rubeus  
Hagrid was a regular visitor in the summers, and he even bought a few  
of her own hippocampi for his classes. She smiled, as soon as she got  
to the lake she was going to see Rei, Forsyth, and Deedee. Uncle  
Rubeus had promiced her that he was going to take the first year  
students across the lake, so she knew she could call them.

"Eh, are there a few seats here?" asked a auburn headed guy who  
looked to be her age.

"Sure. It's just me." the boy smiled at the answer.

"Brill. Oi! Found us a compartment!" Two boys who looked almost  
identical to him invaded her area and she soon discovered just who  
she'd have to watch out for.

"I'm Ryan, this is Brian, and that's Brad. We're all first years,  
like ya I'm guessing." said the triplet with a small freckle to the  
right of his nose. Brian had a small scar on his chin, and Brad's  
nose was slightly off center. Lil smiled.

"I'm Lil. It's a pleasure. So I'm guessing even your mum can't pick  
you three apart." she said.

"Yeah, but we don't push that trick. Our uncles taught us not to,  
besides out mum's way too smart. Our neighbors are all estatic that  
we are going to a boarding school." said Brad with a wink.

"Excellent, and dad said that I wouldn't find kindred souls." said  
Lil, "Eh, I've got my dad's gift of finding out secrets and secret  
passages."

"Brill!" said all three boys and Lil grinned.

"So, what do your parents do?" asked Lil. The boys grinned and  
started trading off as they told about everything.

"Da's a hit wizard."

"Ma's an unspeakable."

"Makes home interesting."

"Aye, Ma tends to come home with horns or wings."

"Da tends to come home cursed and with dark objects that Ma helps 'im  
destroy. Not that everything gets lost to their skill."

"And it gives us insperation, and we even smuggled a masking crystal  
out of some major loot Da forgot about."

"Yeah, an' Ma and Da both have killer books on everything they do,  
plus the computer files that Ma keeps too."

"We even picked up that habit, keepin' files and such."

"After all, good prankin' is all in the preparation. And if we're  
goin' ta follow our uncles' example, we need a good system."

"Thus, we took one of Ma's old PC's."

"She wasn't using it. She was goin' ta give it away ta tha cripled or  
sommat."

"And now it's charmed, along with a printer."

"It's in my trunk, with my CD player..."

"Me electric guitar and speakers..."

"My DVD player and things from all our uncles..."

"And my charmed servailance equipment."

"We used a few of Ma's conversion and connection charms to make them  
better suited for Hogwarts."

"Aye, Ma was muggle-born an' used ta complain something awful about  
how she needed a good laptop computer."

"'Cause o' her, Brad's a world class computer wizard and we all  
learned early on that we needed a way to bring our favorite things in  
ta Hogwarts."

"So tell us 'bout yerself." concluded Brian. Lil grinned.

"Of course. My mum and dad run P and J ranch,"

"That place where they breed anything that has hooves?" asked Brad.

"Yes, Da's the sun bull and hippogriff handler and he also takes care  
of the aethonan and abraxan. Mom deals with the nogtails, thestrals  
and slipnars, but now she also will be in charge of my hippocampi and  
kelpies. Granddad breeds the all the mundane things; horses, cows,  
and such, Grandmom is in charge of the mooncalves and unicorns and my  
Uncle Eddie and his crew are best with his re'em herd, the tebo, and  
graphorns, Aunt Olive does experimental breeding and such. Great fun.  
Her last project was a sun bull/re'em hybrid. It ended up sterle, but  
it's wicked fearce and even spits flames. Uncle Eddie even tamed it  
and calls it Bob. Da says he's loony, but then Da's the one taking  
care of a basilisk and an acromanitla."

"Awesome!" said Ryan, all three were looking thrilled.

"You know..." started Brian.

"You are inviting our family over for the winter hols." Brad  
finished. Lil laughed. It was the start of a wonderful train ride.

--

As Lil got off the train she spotted Rubeus calling all the first  
years over to the docks.

"Hey! Rube!" called out the slip of a girl, the triplets tailed her  
as she wove through the crowd to the half-giant.

"Oi! Lilsy, 'ow are yeh?" boomed out the huge man as he swept her up  
in a bear hug.

"Brilliant, just brilliant now that you hugged me. Do you mind if I  
call up Rei, Forsyth, and Deedee? I want to ride Rei, and I think my  
new friends should get to see my old pets." Lil put on her begging  
face and Rubeus grinned.

"Sure, who are yeh freinds?" he asked as he put her down.

"Oh, Ryan, Brian, and Brad, this is the gamekeeper and professor of  
magical creatures, Rubeus Hagrid. Rube, theses are my friends, maybe  
we all can ride to Hogwarts?"

"Sure. I trust yeh wit them three. Go call em up the boats are  
leaven' soon." Lil turned to the triplets.

"We're ariving in style, boys. Follow me." She went to the ferthest  
edge of a dock and pulled out a flute of reeds. Playing a simple tune  
she called out her three prize hippocampi, Rei, a large green  
stalion, Forsyth, a medium grey mare, and Deedee, a medium violet  
mare. She introdused the boys to the hippocampi and just after the  
boats pushed off, Forsyth was carrying Brad, Deedee was carrying  
Brian, and Ryan and Lil were on the back of Rei. It didn't take long  
for them to catch up with the fleet of small boats and then pass  
them. Laughing all the way, they were soon racing each other around  
the boats, and Lil knew Hogwarts was going to be every bit as  
wonderful for her as it was for her dad.

They treked up the stairs with the rest, abit soaking wet. At the to  
was the deputy headmaster, Professor Snape, just like Rube had told  
her. He sneered down at her and the triplets who were singing a song  
in round by someone named Monty Python.

"And how did you three come to be so wet?" he asked coldly. Lil  
grinned up at him.

"We played with Rei, Forsyth, and Deedee." she answered. This only  
amplified his glare.

"Professor Hagrid let you four play with hippocampi?"

"Aye, they used ta be Lil's." said Brian.

"Didn' yeh know yeh got a hippocampi and kelpie breeder in this lil'  
Lil." said Ryan and Brad draping themselves on her.

"Get off of me, you oafs." snapped Lil as she stepped forward.

"Why? What are we gonna do ta yeh?" asked Ryan.

"Get yeh wet?" asked Brad and all four laughed, which only peeved the  
professor even more.

"Yes, well, let's go get you lot sorted. As a student here, you will  
be sorted into one of three houses, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff,  
or Gryffindor. Your successes will earn your house points, your rule  
breaking and other indiscrepencies will cause those points to  
vanish." with that he gave Lil and the triplets a pointed  
look, "Come." He turned and lead them into the great hall.

Lil watched fasinated as the first ten were called up alphabeticly.  
Then Professor Snape called her name, "Lillian Dursley."

Putting on the hat she heard the strange voice that her dad discribed  
to her, Ah, so you do know more about this place than you let on. So  
now let's see, you already have a plethora of knowledge in magical  
creatures and plants. However studying is not something you willingly  
do. You work hard but only if it's something that you know will  
behove your own goals. You have great ambission and cunning,  
Slytherin could help you on your way to greatness.

'Nah, too obvious. Come on, how could I do anything there?' thought  
Lil. The hat laughed.

I thought you'd say that. Your father would have been in Slytherin as  
well, if not for his being so vocal. If not Slytherin, it better be  
GRYFFINDOR!

Lil took the hat off, gave the deputy headmaster a grin, and dashed  
to the cheering table. The triplets all gave her the same grin and  
just as she knew, they each joined her to become the only first year  
gryffindor boys and all four gave Professor Snape the same sweet  
innosent smile to which he gave them all a dark glare.

Lil sat on Ryan's bed as Brad hacked away at the keyboard of his  
computer and Brian played on his guitar. Ryan and Lil were watching  
the recordings from the servailence cameras on his DVD player while  
making notes on the footage.

The room no longer looked like a typical dorm, the bedside tables  
were filing cabinates, one of the wardrobes was a desk in disguise,  
and books, charts, and prototypes littered every spare inch of the  
walls and window sills.

"So, Dad owled me." said Lil. Ryan looked up at her.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Yes. He has given me permission to invite you three for a week  
during winter hols." she smiled and all three looked happy.

"Great, we'll owl Ma in the morning and see if we can come over, then  
invite you during spring hols." Brad said as he looked up from  
writing his program code.

"Yea, should be great fun." declared Brian and he let out a riff. Lil  
smiled and laughed and Ryan frowned at the screen.

"Er, Lil, I think we may have a problem." Ryan said and he rewound  
the DVD. Lil watched, Professor Snape looked right at the camera and  
smirked.

"Yeah, I'd say that's a problem. He knows about camera 3, but he  
hasn't found the rest. We'll move it, but to someplace obvious, like  
the corridor outside the potions room. It's just going to have to be  
a decoy." Lil said.

"Aye, it figures that Snape would be the one to notice the cam." said  
Brian. Ryan sighed.

"Do you guys think he'll tell, or should we keep the records of  
cam3?" asked Ryan.

"Well, keep the camera in place for a few days, that will give us  
time to gage the impact that Snape will have." said Brad, "He may not  
mind if we don't use the information against him and his classes and  
intrests."

"Maybe we should do something minor to one of Professor Davies'  
classes. DADA is so boring, that it'd be a good deed." said Brian.  
All laughed at that, and agreed. Defence was dull, maybe moreso than  
History was.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Unofficial Hogwarts Student Journal

Author: P.L.S.

Rating: Eh, I'm saying Mild to Medium Store Brand Salsa

Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas and well everything taken from the Harry Potter Books and Movies.

Summery: Lillian Dursley is a typical wizard's kid, who happens to take after her father (a hippogriff-sun bull breeder and the Man-Who-Killed-Voldemort.) Her best friends are the techno-geeky Weasley Triplets, Professor Hagrid, and her hippocampi. This is her and her friends' version of their story. Of course, if you talk to Deputy Headmaster Snape he'll tell you a whole different story which actually seems to be the truth.

(Chapter Two- Irreparable Plot Twisting)

'Maybe it wasn't a good idea to get picked so early on for the house team', Lil  
thought as Patrick Olivander carried her up to the hospital wing. It  
was only the first game of the season, and she had become seeker just  
a month ago. Now she had been bludgeoned by the bludgers but still won  
the game. She caught the snitch in her mouth on the way down, after  
she fell from her broom. Dizzy, she blacked out as the warm air of  
the castle wrapped around her.

When she came to, her dad and the triplets were around her bed.  
Stormcloud, her dad's best racing hippogriff was standing by an open  
window.

"Hey, Daddy." she said softly.

"Hey, Sweetheart. The trio flooed me, and I just had to get here as  
soon as I could. Your mum wanted to come but Freyja has a bad  
illness. I don't think the matron knows I'm here yet." he said with a  
light chuckle.

"Yeah? Thanks, guys. I'm super happy you got my dad here." said Lil  
and all three looked embarrassed.

"It was nothing." Ryan started.

"Yeh, we know yeh'd do th' same fer us." said Brian.

"True. Besides, you won the bloody game, you earned gettin' ta see  
yer da." said Brad. Lil's dad laughed.

"They recorded your first match and sent it over, I watched while  
Stormy flew. You are really more like me than I thought." said the  
grinning man, "Did I tell you about my first quidditch match ever?"

"No. Are you going to, or are you going to tease me?" asked Lil.

"My broom was hexed and as I fell I caught the snitch in exactly the  
same manner." said her dad and they both laughed. She knew her dad  
had been a first year too, but she didn't know that.

"Family curse?" asked Lil. The triplets all laughed with the two  
Dursleys. They knew who her father was, but now she was amazed that  
they really acted like it was normal.

"Ah, I thought she was yours, Mr. Potter." said a very familiar voice  
from the shadows. Professor Snape left them and Lil's dad smiled at  
him.

"Wonderful to see you again sir. How is everything?" asked the  
hippogriff breeder.

"As well as it ever is, Mr. Harry Potter, or is it Mr. Dursley?"  
asked Professor Snape.

"Jim Dursley, that's Stormcloud, one of the finest hippogriffs you'll  
ever meet." he nodded to Stormcloud who was now laying on a bed,  
looking bored. Snape nodded to the beast who nodded back.

"I'm sure Poppy will be ecstatic to see that image. And I'm sure that  
there are hundreds who would be ecstatic to know that the Boy-Who-  
Lived has a family now." Lil's dad looked worried.

"Eh, I'm hoping you can sit on this, sir. Lil really doesn't deserve  
that, does she?" Lil's dad laughed nervously. Snape smirked.

"Ever the reluctant hero, eh Potter? Never the less, I have seen to  
it that not a connection has been made." Snape said.

"Really? Wonderful to have our favorite professor in on the  
conspiracy, right Lil?" asked Ryan, Lil grinned.

"Yes. I told you it was a good idea not to even try to bug his  
office." she said and both adults looked shocked as the boys agreed.

"You are bugging offices?" asked Lil's dad, "How? Electrical items  
don't work here."

"Well, guys this is your secret." said Lil. The boys nodded.

"Ma, she created a charm," started Brian.

"Or seven that alter muggle devices to run on the same stuff that our  
magic uses." said Brad.

"Right brilliant too." said Ryan, "We brought a bunch of stuff that  
we charmed, and some of them are bugs, Mr. Dursley. Professor, please  
don't write Ma. She really doesn't need to know about them."

"True, and our Ma is right scary."

"What with the encyclopedia of curses that's in her head,"

"The major sadistic streak that she harbors,"

"And that mouth,"

"Oh yeah, that too."

"Aye, once her yells at us were heard all the way across London."

"Imagine that amplified by a howler."

"Oh, dear God, don't think such thoughts."

"Too late."

"Then there's Da, he'd just confiscate all our hard work."

"Turn it over to one of the MLE's,"

"Who might be interested in our work,"

"But since we're underage, and Ma and Da both work for the Ministry,"

"True, we'd get no credit,"

"Or pay."

"That too."

They stopped the eerie three way conversation as Lil's dad  
laughed, "Oh, my. You three truly are just like your uncles. Fred  
and George, they used to talk like that all the time." The triplets  
looked surprised.

"How?" asked Ryan.

"Oh, I went to school with them, your Uncle Percy, and Aunt Virginia.  
Oh, and your Mum and Dad." said Lil's dad.

"You did know that your mother and father were Mr. Potter's best  
friends for all seven years at Hogwarts?" Snape asked the triplets.

"Nope, Ma and Da never said a blooming word." said Brian.

"Yeah, tight lipped and all that." said Ryan.

"Aye, yeh'd think tha Hogwarts was part of their pre-Auror training,  
for all they talk about it." said Brad. Lil's dad frowned.

"Really? Geez, I used to make Lilsy's bedtime stories up based on  
this place." he said.

"Yes, like the one about your friend's dad's flying car that still  
lives in the Forest and how you guys flew to here in it and crashed  
into the whomping willow?" asked Lil.

"Yes. Only it seemed like the tree crashed into us." said Lil's dad  
with a rueful smile. Snape glared at him and he grinned, "Don't you  
guys ever do anything stupid like that, try to land on the lawn  
instead." he added the last bit with a wink.

"Mr. Potter." growled out Snape.

"What? I'm only doing as my dad would have done for me."

"Encouraging my students to break rules as carelessly as you and your  
father once did is not something I will condone." the teacher snapped  
at the former student.

"It's not like I'm giving them my old cloak, map, or other tools. You  
have to admit, I've been pretty good about that." Lil's dad said.

"And you're not planning on coaching them to become illegal animagi,  
legelimancers, or whatever else you got up to?" asked Snape and Lil's  
dad looked thoughtful.

"You know I hadn't even thought of that, but Patty would be the best  
teacher for the animagi thing. And you know you were a wonderful  
legelmancy and occlumancy teacher, maybe I could pass on those tricks  
to this generation." said Lil's dad with a smirk.

"He taught you the legelmens stuff?" asked Lil and as her dad nodded  
she scowled at the professor, "So it's your fault that I could never  
prank Daddy!" she accused.

"So you both kin read our minds?" asked Brian, and both nodded.

"Oh, so no wonder you knew about camera 3. You totally made us have  
to scrap a month of observation in that corridor." said Brad.

--

Lil, bored and ready to fall asleep, kicked Ryan who gave her a  
questioning look. 'You wanna sneak out of DADA?' she mouthed to him.  
Brian was in the hospital wing with a really bad flu, and Brad just  
plain skipped class to rework a few last bits of his code for his new  
program that would get them an internet connection, so they could  
start the 'Un-Official Hogwarts Student Journal' web page.

Ryan nodded and looked up at Professor Davies, who was talking in  
monotone about some really dull creature called a Red Cap. Ryan  
already gave her, Brian, and Brad a rundown on what the textbook  
covered, so they all were safe during exams. Together they ducked  
under the table they shared and cast disillusionment charms on each  
other. Nearly invisible, they crept out of the room, down the hall,  
and started to go under a tapestry which was a short-cut towards the  
Gryffindor Tower entry.

Lil was glad that she now shared the dorm with the triplets. There  
were seven girls sorted into Gryffindor with her, and she didn't  
enjoy being around the gossips. But with the boys, she felt more at  
home and part of something big. Luckily, Professor Rogers, their  
head of house and the Muggle Studies teacher, was oblivious to the  
new arrangement. The other first year girls kept silent about it  
because it meant more room for them, and less danger of unwittingly  
testing pranks for the quartet of mischief-makers.

As they went to their room they heard the telltale sounds of Brad's  
victory cheer.

Opening the door, Brad assaulted both with bear hugs and chatter about  
how fast the connection turned out and how soon he wanted the first  
edition of the UOHSJ out and ready to read.

"Oh, and I asked Ma for four PDA's to mess around with, to see if I  
could figure out how to get them to use magic. Brunhilda, just  
brought them, and I finished the last charm. All three are wireless  
and connected to each other and the PC." He drug them in and put a  
small rather flat black box in both of his roommate's hands. "I dub  
thee, Un-Official Hogwarts Student Journal reporters and newsmakers."  
he said goofily. Lil watched as Ryan turned on his and pulled the  
stylus out of the side.

"They use graffiti, that writing style we taught you." said Ryan as  
he started to write. Lil followed his example and was soon over the  
moon about how easy it was for her how that she knew the way to write  
and knew the basics of how to use a computer.

--

November 15th, 2015

THE UNOFFICIAL HOGWARTS STUDENT JOURNAL

PROFESSOR HAGRID STRIKES AGAIN!

On Monday, in the fourth form combined Ravenclaw/Slytherin class it  
was reveled that the glowing furred arachnid with a fire crab shell  
and scorpion tail is none other than a successful hybrid of a  
manicore/re-em hybrid and a fire crab/mackled malaclaw (for more  
information on the creatures, see the FANSTATIC BEASTS LEXICON  
(www. uohsj. uk. edu/ resources/ fbeasts /index. htm) or your copy of  
Fanstastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander.) This new  
breed of beast is lovingly called by the professor a Golden  
Acrostation and has yet to be determined if this creature will indeed  
breed new generations of it's kind. The tail holds a poison that not  
only is a neurotoxin, but a acidic substance as well. The beast also  
breathes fire and has herd instincts which makes it a rather deadly  
beast to get angry. Fortunately the monstrous beast is a vegetarian  
and once you get in the alpha female's good graces, the herd will  
protect you as well.

If one could tame the creature, or at least teach it to follow  
commands, the Golden Acrostation could become useful in magical law  
enforcement and in the guarding of dangerous criminals or goods that  
would be targets for theft. Until then it is suggested that one keep  
away from the new creature, unless you are in Professor Hagrid's  
fourth form classes, where you will be spending the year raising the  
monsters. Good luck, and Professor Hagrid wants the Journal to remind  
all fourth formers to bring their dragon hide gloves and their notes  
from last class.

BWW

HIGHLIGHTS FROM HOGWARTS, A HISTORY

As every student knows our home away from home has a mind of it's  
own, but is the castle sentient? When the foundations were first  
laid, a curse was placed on the stones to render the building useless  
to the four founders by a rather irate French wizard who lost a bet  
to Slytherin on a Stichstock game (more on Slytherin's gambling  
addiction in the next issue.) Ravenclaw was the one to salvage the  
project by appeasing the foundations with a sacrifice of two winged  
boars (now an extinct creature.) The two boars are represented now  
at the front gates and welcome all who come to the school.

The castle was built quicker than was planned and two years after the  
school was first opened the first staircase moved. Over the years the  
castle has slowly grown more prone to change, i.e, doors hiding as  
walls, walls pretending to be doors, staircases switching about,  
rooms that only appear at certain hours, and so forth. One room even  
responds to what the person entering needs at that moment. There are  
even a few hints through history that shows the castle altering  
itself completely in order to protect the students in times of need.  
Several accounts give examples of gargoyles coming to life to save a  
student outside of the castle walls, and still more tell of getting  
feelings and emotions while in a corner or by a wall, feelings that  
aren't their own.

Is the castle a thinker as well as a place to learn?

RAW


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Unofficial Hogwarts Student Journal

Author:P.L.S.

Rating: Eh, I'm saying Mild to Medium Store Brand Salsa

Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas and well everything taken from the Harry Potter Books and Movies.

Summery: Lillian Dursley is a typical wizard's kid, who happens to take after her father (a hippogriff-sun bull breeder and the Man-Who-Killed-Voldemort.) Her best friends are the techno-geeky Weasley Triplets, Professor Hagrid, and her hippocampi. This is her and her friends' version of their story. Of course, if you talk to Deputy Headmaster Snape he'll tell you a whole different story which actually seems to be the truth.

(Chapter Three- Amusing Bridging Material)

November 23rd, 2015

THE UNOFFICIAL HOGWARTS STUDENT JOURNAL

DEAR ADVICE PEOPLE

Dear Advice People,

I'm a fifteen year old student in my local state school. I write fantasy in my spare time and was wondering if you guys have any recommendations or what your influences are to put up such a complex story in a web 'zine style. This is really cool and I think I might want to try something like this too.

Thanks,  
Empty Ink Pen

Dear Empty Ink Pen,

Thanks for the praise on our work. Beleive it or not, this is 100 on the level and true as the sky is blue. LD is telling me that I should mention that if our parents (LD: Not mine but BWW, RAW, & BFW's folks) found out then they'd stand an inquery at work which happens the MInistry of Magic. This is kind of breaking a few secresy laws that have been in place for ages (BWW: This site breaks 753 laws and decrees going back to 254 C.E.) Yeah, what he said. Anyhow, we got this idea from LD's dad who actively protests a lot of the laws and breaks the ones he doesn't like for good reasons and from the newsletters that our mom gets from activist groups that she belongs to. The Journal is our protest as well as our way to try to connect to the rest of the world from here.

Sincerly,

BFW

BREWING UP YOUR GRADES

Professor Snape, as everyone who attends Hogwarts knows, is a man who has the toughest grading system known to wizard-kind. He has the record for most failing grades given on essays in the last century and is fast catching up to the fifteenth century professor of transfiguration, Vendictus Harlan's record of most failing grades given by one person in Hogwarts history.

He started his tenure in the post of professor of potions at the young age of nineteen, after he was cleared of all charges in the war trials that followed the first fall of Voldemort. He currently holds the record of being the youngest person to hold the internationally recoinzed title of Potions Master, which he secured at the age of sixteen with his publishing of his orgianal research on the serpent based poisons and antidotes and his successful completion of seven potions that are near impossible for anyone of normal skill. Snape is hailed as a virtuoso of his craft and even with his duties as Deputy Headmaster, Head of Slytherin House, and Professor, finds the time to do freelance work for St.Mungos, the Ministry of Magic's Deparement of Mysteries, Magical Law Enforsement, and Werewolf and Vampire Lesions. So with all that how did he have time to even think about grading all the essays that he has given and failed?

In a resent detention this reporter witnessed his masterful management of giving grades. The potion master brews up the grades like he would the Veritaserum that he likes to threaten me with. It is a potion based on the memory potion used in penceives, the year's textbook, and his samples that he makes out for the students' work to be tested against. With a drop of this potion on the work and a spell, your paper is graded, given his scathing commentary, and, the grade is recorded in his records. Unfair? Maybe, but between the memories of the lesson taught, the textbook you should be using, and the knowledge that Professor Snape instited was in the main library of school, one should be able to pass.

He insists that this article alone should be circulated, he's sick of seeing the red ink that the potion wastes.

Hint, hint... READ YOUR BOOK!

LD

HIGHLIGHTS FROM HOGWARTS, A HISTORY

Contrary to popular belief, the four founders of this school we attend did not create the sorting hat to put kids into the houses based on traits they themselves possessed. Rather it sorts according to the traits that the founders wished that they had. Ravenclaw was a rather scatterbrained and forgetful woman who wished she was half as intelligent and good at memorization as the students she favored were. Gryffindor was a man who was more likely to dash away from a duel rather than stand and fight like those who are now sorted into the house of lions. Slytherin was a man who really was far too much a nice guy and was walked over by everyone until his last years as a teacher in Hogwarts when he finally spoke up and stuck by his beliefs on muggleborn students. He also really wasn't very clever, was very brash in his decision making and often lost bets and was consitered by the bookies of that time an easy mark. The only house that holds those students who resemble the founder is Hufflepuff, which is really based on not fitting in with the other three houses.

This misconseption happens to be the reason so few portaits of the founders exist. Most collecters assumed the portraits were fakes when Gryffindor proved to be a coward, Ravenclaw a dunce, and Slytherin a bleeding-heart, and thus destroyed the true portraits in fire as is prescribed in the Magical Artistry Guild Institutes (M.A.G.I.). Those that still exist are often hidden away in the vaults of those long gone or families that were found to be made of Voldemort supporters in the second fall of Voldemort.

RAW

BADGERS FOR THE CUP?

With a new school year comes the new resolve to win the Inter-House Quidditch Cup and the House Cup. This year is the twentith anniversery of the last time Hufflepuff was the winner of both of those competions and the house of the badger is going forth with new resolve to celebrate it by winning the two cups back to their head of house's offices. A worthy, if near impossible task.

This year the house team has started practice sooner than even Slytherin, which has the record for first practices - 6 years. The line up this year has also been judged by Professor Chang, to be the best the house has put together in all her years as flying instructor/ quidditch coach. Captained by Jerome Haulin (keeper) and managed by Felix DuPort, the team has a few of the old members, but the new faces are catching attention and all are geared up to win and fly higher than ever as the rest of their house cheers 'BADGERS FOR THE CUP!'

Gryffindor captain and beater, Hannah Finch-Fletchly, has been heard saying "I really don't think that a few new faces constitutes a good team and a reason for that much hype. Look at Slytherin! The cheating buggers have tried everything but talent on the pitch, but the cup has stayed Gryffindor ever since the Boy-Who-Lived flew for us." Slytherin captain and seeker, Georgia Goyle, has been quoted as saying, "Hufflepuff! That's like saying the end of the world is coming. We need to focus on Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, not the school jokes." Even Ravenclaw keeper and captain, Kennith Colt, has a hard time accepting that Hufflepuff will ever win.

When asked about the lack of belief in their broomstick poweress, Haulin said this, "It's a matter of points really. Hufflepuffs are the type to hang on and go the long haul, which is why we are so set on building our stammina and making sure our alternates are as strong as the first string."

BWW.

YOUR HORROR-SCOPE

Aries: Good luck, mate. You'll need all you can get. Your skills in picking best friends leaves much to be desired, as those you have trusted will betray your secrets to those who will use them against you. Just ignore the whispers and looks in the hall as they are all about you and the secrets that have been spilled.

Taurus: On Wendensday, it is suggested that you keep both feet on the ground and stay away from cats. Your hardworking nature will be used against you by a trusted athority figure and this violation will not be punished. Just try to forget about it as you comprimise your morals.

Gemini: Just don't. What you are planning is bound to turn out all wrong, and you know it. Nothing that you have done up to this point has shown you to be capable of anything more than existing like an amebea. It's not even worth giving a go, so scrap the plans and get on with your sad life.

Cancer: No matter what it is, your conversations will go badly. Expect to be shunned and hated amoung those who used to call you friend. If you have a relationship, expect it to end and end badly. Chances are it is because you are a bore and your love is already cheating on you.

Leo: Your high energy and natural exuberence will back fire as you stumble into a trap set by someone you offended ages ago without realizing it. Your friends will leave and you will be left alone and in a lerch that will in the end doom you to a life that is full of unhappiness.

Virgo: Remember Ceasar? Remember how all his friends stabbed him in the back? If not, you'll soon be relating to his plight. It's not paranoia if they are out to get you, and they are out to get you. Expect your photo to be found plastered to dart boards of those you love.

Libra: That gift you want to give, it's a bad idea. It will be taken the wrong way and you will suffer. Your luck in general is about to vanish and leave you gaping like a fish in a desert. Expect trials, tribulation, and trouble for all that you try to do for others. Hermits, this doesn't apply to you. You'll be fine with your lonely existance.

Scorpio: Your natural passion for life will lead you into sin and failure. Your need to feel important will twist itself and you will be left feeling two feet tall in most situations. People will see only your inadiquacies and problems. Nothing you try will help you. Learn to live as the scum of the Earth.

Sagatarious: Go with the flow and get set to live a life of the status quo and mundane mediocrity. You are nothing special and this is known by all. Just get set to work a dull job for little pay, have kids young and by accident, and to live as nothing more than a typical cencus taker.

Capercorn: Your meticulous nature is being used against you. You just don't see them laughing at you as you try to get your life sorted. They are purpously fouling up your systems and patterns. They don't like you for reasons you can't change. They just want you to go insane, and they will get what they want.

Aquarious: Seen any death omens lately? Do you know all your death omens? Learn them, because it is writen in the stars and the omens are all about you. Death is in your future. Maybe not your death, but death none the less.

Pieces: Going with the flow will get you no where. Get ready to break the mold and to in the end chart your own special path of self desruction. No one will stop you as you plummit off the cliff and into the firey pits of your own personal Hell which you will personally craft. Enjoy your handiwork.


End file.
